Turn your head and cough

I’ve been developing a new workout the past week or so that should rival even John Basedow’s system. You remember John Basedow, don’t you? The dentist with the pretend body that sells videos on TV. Anyway, it’s called the cough-and-tone.

First, simply find yourself a diseased friend or co-worker, acquire their illness, and spend the next two to three weeks hacking your abs into wrought iron bands of muscle toned bliss. After the first few days you may want to surgically remove your lungs with a melonballer, but it’ll be worth it. I believe that I could be shot in the stomach with a cannon from point blank range and I wouldn’t even feel it. Start your workout today!

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