Contemplations From the Express Lane

I haven’t posted anything in longer than I would have liked. Honestly, it’s not from laziness. I have in fact been reasonably busy of late. Half the time being ill and half the time trying to keep up with my burgeoning video editing business, Cut! Productions. At Cut! Productions we can handle all of your video editing needs. From slideshows for weddings or birthdays to producing family history DVD’s or promotional videos to converting your old Hi-8 or VHS tapes to DVD, Cut! Productions is your one-stop-shop for all your video editing needs.

Ok, you’ve been sufficiently plugged…

Something occurred to me the other day at the grocery store. As I was queued in the 9 Items or Less line at my local Safeway food retailer, I passed the time looking over the myriad of crappy magazines that are sold at all foodstuff peddlers around the country. I thought to myself, if aliens landed in Santa Rosa, or any city or town in America for that matter, and a grocery store was the first establishment they chose to investigate, naturally the first thing they would scrutinize would be the magazine racks, mistakenly believing they are some sort of distribution system for valuable and worthwhile information. If this did in fact occur, I believe they would come to two conclusions. One, the most important pursuit of a human being is to make oneself smaller. Two, this Brad and Angelina are the most important people on the planet. Perhaps they are monarchs or scientists who have devised a process to eradicate hunger and poverty from the planet in one fell swoop. If this is in fact what the aliens would assume, we could only hope that they would feel it necessary to abduct Brad and Angelina to their home planet to bring about peace and prosperity there as well. We could only hope.

Seriously though, about one-third of the magazines had something to do with weight loss, one-third had something about Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie on the cover and the last third were a combination of periodicals featuring non-Brad and Angelina celebrities or something about horoscopes. (Oh, the aliens would probably also be surprised to learn that we were well apprised of their arrival, at least according to the Weekly World News.) What do these have to say about our society? ………..Seriously, I’m asking. Just because I have a blog doesn’t make me any smarter, obviously since I just used the “word” smarter. I don’t know if you know this, but not everything on the Internet is true. Food for thought.

Ok, I’ll take a stab at it. We’ve all heard that America is a fat nation and all you have to do is take a look around to realize that it’s true. Pretty much everyone you see on the street can stand to lose a Christmas hams worth of weight. We know it’s true so we try countless diets and fasts and systems to shed that extra baggage. South Beach, Atkins, Jenny Craig, Hollywood liquid diet, seaweed wraps, stomach stapling, the Russian Air Force diet (yes, there is such a thing), etc, etc, etc, to quote Yul Brenner (for semi-complete lists of fad diets, click here and here). We want to feel good about ourselves and be healthy. Which is fine. We all should have a healthy degree of self-respect and no one should be criticized for wanting to be healthy. But why does it seem so hard? Why do we need so many different ways of fooling ourselves? Three words: Instant Gratification Nation. We want to feel good and we want to feel good right now…even if we feel bad about it later. Americans are spoiled. Want a burger? Have 10 quarter pounders. Want to be entertained? Buy this 52-inch plasma screen and sign up for 900 channels on Dish Network. If you think about it, you can have pretty much whatever you want in America, right now. You may have a hard time unloading that credit card debt later, but who cares, you want to be satisfied now. We’re all very lucky. But we take it for granted and abuse it. If we could control our urges, and be patient, and have even just a little bit of self-discipline, Atkins and Dexetrim would not be necessary.

The second part of this I don’t get at all. Why are we so infatuated with celebrities? Is it because they live a lifestyle we common folk would like to live? Are they more important than us? What is it? Do we realize that most of them wouldn’t pay us a lick of attention even if we were trapped in an elevator with them while blood was spurting from our eyeballs? Who cares if Brad and Angelina are having a baby? Who cares that Tom Cruise is madly in love with someone half his age? Who cares what Tim Robbins has to say about politics? Although it is fun to watch them go nuts sometimes.

Anyway, enough ranting. These are the things I think about when standing in line at the grocery store. If you stuck with me through that whole thing, I applaud your fortitude. Just remember, if you run into some extra terrestrials at the local Pak-n-Save, be sure to let them know that, like the Internet, not everything in magazines is true.


One thought on “Contemplations From the Express Lane

  1. Pingback: The Rising « Life of Ando

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