Without question, Easter has the best candy of all the holidays. All the other holidays just take the same candies and dress them up in different colored wrappers. Think about it. At Easter we get Robin Eggs, Reese’s Eggs, Peeps, those mini Cadbury chocolate eggs with the candy shell, and the crème-de-la-crème, the Cadbury Cream Egg. It’s a good thing we only see those once a year. If not I’d be making three cream egg omelets for breakfast every morning, weigh 300 pounds and have no teeth. But what do we get on the other holidays? Christmas? Chocolate Santa’s. Great, a Nestle Crackle in the shape of a fat guy, what a treat. Halloween? They shrink candy bars to a fifth of normal size and then call it “Fun”! That’s not fun! That’s robbery! Thanksgiving? Nada. Well, maybe Candy Corns, but who likes eating paraffin wax? Ok, actually I do. I don’t really like Candy Corns but I can’t stop eating them if they’re on the table. I think the white tip is actually a rock of crack. Not that I know that crack is white. Is it, because I don’t know…I’m just saying…it’s hard to stop eating them…that’s all. Valentines Day has some originality. People like to give those heart shaped boxes of mystery chocolates. Or as Jim Gaffigan calls them, Gamble Chocolates. “Eeww, I got the one filled with toothpaste!” But really, can we compare that to even a caramel Cadbury Egg? I don’t think so. So Easter, I salute you and your candy. Thanks to you I’m carrying around eight extra pounds. Huzzah!