When I was a kid I was sure that oblivion, or Oblivion, was some sort of afterlife for Transformers. The only place I had ever heard the word was on the Transformers cartoon, when someone like Starscream, a deceptigon (bad guy), would tell Optimus Prime, an Autobot (good guy), that he was going to “Blow you to oblivion!” Makes sense, right? Of course, as I grew older I realized that is was being used in more general terms. I mean, Transformers are robots. There’s no afterlife for robots, other than a junkyard.
But doesn’t it strike you that there seem to be a whole lot of folks that are already in a state of oblivion? They are oblivious to the fact that they are tremendous losers? Case in point: at a high school baseball game the other night, I ventured down to the snack bar to grab a frankfurter. In line ahead of me are two textbook losers. You’ve seen them; the one with the scraggily goatee (no comments please), a flannel shirt, cigarette in hand, pretty soft in the middle, sprinkles his conversation with veiled sexual references and double entandras. His cohort was a little more polished; hair slicked back, faux leather jacket, cleanshaven. But they both had that look. While eavesdropping on the conversation all doubt was removed. I came in in the middle of pudgy-goatee guy telling slicked-back guy that all the charges had been dropped and they even forgave all his unpaid parking tickets. He then asked if his pal was going to get “stuck” paying child support, to which the pal replied with a grunt. Goatee guy then added the cherry on the sundae with, “You might as well not even work. After child support it’s only like $4 an hour anyway.” followed by a hearty guffaw. When the snack bar lady apologized for only having one dollar bills for change he giggled and said, “That’s ok, we’re going to a strip club later.” More giggling.
I asked myself, do these guys have any idea of what they are? Is it possible to be that oblivious and stupid? Or do they know and just not care? Don’t these guys have that one upstanding friend from high school, who didn’t get caught up in trouble like the rest of the old gang and who is now a successfull local businessman, that can tell them what a losers they are and that they need to straighten up and fly right? Someone to pull them back from the land of dead Transformers? I guess I already answered; they know, but they just don’t care about anything except themselves.
Anyway, just a little rant to start your weekend. The best use, or misuse, of oblivion of all time is none other than Mike Tyson. After his loss to Lennox Lewis, whose heart he wanted to rip out and children he wanted to eat, he answered the question of what was next for him with, “I guess I’ll just fade into bolivian.” Perhaps we just misunderstood Iron Mike. Maybe he was planning on retiring to South America and becoming a Bolivian citizen? Either way, I wish him well.