Jen and I made a Safeway run today and as we pulled into the parking lot we got a first hand look at what a loser drives. A Corvette, probably an early 80’s model, teal, convertible. How do I know it’s a losers name on the pink slip? It was parked diagonally, taking up two spaces so that no other vehicle’s door would come within six feet of it’s fenders. And it wasn’t like he at least had the courtesy to park like this out in the back-40. That I would forgive. But his was right up front. He made some little old lady walk an extra 150 feet on an oil-slicked parking lot, so he could be sure no one door-dinged his prized possesion. I guess the thought that the car could have just as easily been struck by a runaway shopping cart did not occur to him.
Now, I’m not a car guy. I drive a 1993 Toyota Tercel, with a dented rear passenger quarterpanel and a bent chassis. So maybe I don’t fully understand the fixation guys have with their vehicles. However, I can appreciate a unique, stylish looking car when I see one. But this ‘vette was no great shakes. Sure, it’s a Corvette, but an 80’s model. Is anything from the 80’s considered “classic” or “timeless”? I mean…it was the 80’s. It didn’t even look like it was in very good condition. The minute I saw it I already had the mental image of the boneheaded driver: probably in his early to mid-40’s, paunchy, balding in the front, ponytail in the back, possibly an earring, and no doubt he had RATT in his tape deck. Well, we were lucky enough to actually see the owner come out and hop in. I must say, I was pretty close in the description. He had a full head of hair, gray, and I couldn’t see if he had an earring, but he was definitely in his 40’s and to top things off he was wearing one of those phoney looking leather coats that look a little like a Members Only jacket. Hey, dude! I know you’re in a hurry to get home and watch reruns of Hardcastle and McCormick, but I thought you should know, it’s no longer 1983! Just thought you should know.
So unless you have a car that actually may hold some value to someone other than yourself, say a 1950’s era Corvette, do us and yourself a favor and try to remember that you’re not the only one who uses the parking lot at Safeway.