Sniffing Paint

paint.jpgLess than four weeks until fatherhood.  I’ve been asked on more than one occasion if I’m nervous or scared yet, and for the most part I think I’m doing OK.  A couple of times a week I’ll have very brief moments of panic.  Some future crisis or situation will flash before my eyes and for about half a second my mind screams, “WHAT THE HECK DO I DO?!”  Then I’ll remember that they don’t come out as teenagers and everything will be fine.  However, I think I have been a little more nervous since we found out we’re having a girl.

 Yes, a girl.  Lily, not Max.  From the start of the pregnancy Jen and I almost always referred to the baby as “he.”  Women would come up to Jen, step back and size her up, and declare she was having a boy.  Though we would like to eventually end up with a boy and a girl, I think we were both at least half-hoping, and maybe even expecting, to have a boy first.  Its good for a girl to have an older brother and being the last male Bauer of my family line capable of progeny, having a boy first certainly would have taken the pressure of caring on the family name off.

So, I was ready for a boy.  I know boys.  I know what they like, what they don’t, how they think, or more accurately, that they rarely think at all.  I know that stuff.  Girls, not so much.  I mean, I didn’t even have a girlfriend until I was 21–not counting kindergarten when the principles daughter and I were an item–so I’m really behind the eight-ball.   So I think I’m a little less confident than I was.  I’m not at all disappointed, though it took some doing to convince Jen of that, its just going to take a little extra work to figure out this whole parenting thing.

But honestly, I can’t wait for it.  I spent most of the weekend painting the room and the realization that in a few weeks another human person, a tiny, helpless human person that I’m responsible for, will be sleeping there kind of became real.  I don’t know, maybe it was the fumes.  Yeah, there are those panicky flashes, but there are far more thoughts and feelings of anticipation and excitement.  Can’t wait.


5 thoughts on “Sniffing Paint

  1. Anna

    hey you grew up with two sisters, you should know something about girls…and don’t feel pressure about “caring” the family name, feel pressure about “carrying” on the family name.

    Yeah, but I only know how to harass them. I don’t think that’s how I want to start my parenting career. Oh, that wasn’t a typo. I care deeply for the family name.

  2. You know, what made my life much easier is knowing that most peoples earliest memories are around 3 or 4. Which means you get a few years to just screw up royally without any long term effects on little Lily…

    …It really is liberating!

    Great point! I’m on easy street.

  3. Rebecca

    Girls are great. Wayne can tell you all about it! :) Of course we aren’t at the teenage years, but girls have a way of making you their prince. She’ll wrap you all around her finger! :)

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