Friends, I write to you today with a heavy heart. As regular readers I’m sure have noticed Life of Ando has seen a significant decrease in post frequency over the past month or two. I just haven’t had the desire to write, and frankly I don’t think anyone has really been missing out on anything special. However, something has been brought to my attention that simply cannot be ignored and I feel it is my solemn duty to use my humble forum to bring attention to the matter.
I stopped at Long’s drugs yesterday to pick up a few grocery necessities after work; milk, bread, and so on. It was here that I made my startling discovery: Cadbury Creme Eggs seem smaller than they used to be. This, dear readers, is an outrage. Long time readers of Life of Ando will recall my affinity for these seasonal treats. In the realm of specialty confections, the Egg is king. Cadbury is to be admired for adhereing to the tradition of the Egg’s limited springtime-only availability (though apparently springtime now begins January 2nd), which lends the chocolatey, creamy delight a cache not found amongst other treats. The TV spots featuring the clucking bunny are rightly regarded as one of the rites of spring and a visual reminder of the impending rebirth of nature. The Creme Egg is a legend in its own time.
But it appears the makers of the Egg have chosen to betray its devotees by subtly reducing the size of the candy. As I brought my two Eggs to the check out counter yesterday, I remarked to the cashier, “These look smaller than they used to.” She responded with a patronizing, “Really?” Clearly, she was too young and unsophisticated to have fully developed a meaningful appreciation for the Creme Egg. Or worse, she simply didn’t care, making her an unwitting accomplice in the crime.
Unfortunately, I have no hard proof of a size reduction. Just my own perceptions, which, as honed as they may be after decades of Creme Egg indulgence, provide precious little by way of admissable evidence. The measurement on the wrapper indicates a net weight of 1.2 ounces, but even a fanatic like me can’t recall ever checking the weight measurement in previous years. And why would I? For decades I trusted Cadbury to continue to provide me with the same magnificent indulgence every annum. But that was my folly. Cadbury is afterall a business, whose only stake in my happiness is how much of it I can buy. My joy in their Eggs satisfied them only as much as the ringing of a cash register in their ears.
But just as my love of Cadbury Creme Eggs has been well documented in this space, so to has my commitment to holding confectioners’ feet to the fire. I wrote emails to Oreo, I can write emails to Cadbury. They may not change their policy, but neither will they feel they’ve gotten away with anything. In THIS ECONOMY, when people need, more than ever, a little joy and pleasure in their lives, when all they ask is for at least their sugary indulgences to remain unvarying (unlike their 401(k)’s) someone has to stand up to these corporate robber barons. Someone has to be Mr. Smith and go to Washington (or London in the case of Cadbury) and tell them that the American public will not sit still while their sweet enjoyment is tampered with. Its time to stand up people, take our sugared destiny into our own hands and fight back. To quote the great Colonel Mustard, “This is war! You can’t make an omlette without breaking a few eggs.”